Men's Rules for Men

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse

b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari

c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.

10 You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super
model... and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death
of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire
and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

d) Nice *ss, are you a Sagittarius?

18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up
if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.